Navigating the demanding world of graduate school can be a monumental task, especially when balancing multiple roles. In the latest episode of the University of Michigan Flint‘s Victors in Grad School podcast, Dr. Christopher Lewis speaks with Reilly Chabie from Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS) at the University of Michigan – Flint about finding balance and setting boundaries.
Utilizing Transition Times Effectively
A key insight from Reilly is the importance of utilizing transition times to reset. She suggests using short breaks between classes for rest or leisure activities instead of academic tasks. This practice can help students manage stress and stay emotionally balanced. Reilly emphasizes that these breaks can be instrumental in maintaining a sense of calm and preparing oneself mentally for the next task.
Flexibility with Priorities
Reilly discusses the importance of being adaptable when it comes to priorities. She highlights the necessity of shifting priorities daily based on circumstances. Graduate students often face changing demands, and flexibility is crucial for managing these effectively.
Seeking Support and Accountability
The episode also explores the significance of seeking support from peers, mentors, or counselors. Reilly advises working with others to relieve stress and gain accountability. This approach not only helps in managing roles but also creates a collaborative environment, making the journey through graduate school less isolating.
Mastering Time Management and Organization
Reilly recommends experimenting with various planning tools like planners, lists, and apps to find what best suits an individual’s organizational needs. Time management is essential for balancing multiple roles, and the right tools can provide structure and clarity.
The Importance of Setting Boundaries
Setting boundaries is a recurring theme in the discussion. Reilly outlines seven types of boundaries: physical, emotional, time, and internal boundaries being a few. Understanding and setting these boundaries based on personal limits and priorities can prevent overwhelming situations and enhance personal balance.
Three-Step Boundary Setting Process
- Define the Boundary: Identify what you are trying to reduce, add, or accomplish.
- Communicate the Boundary: Clearly convey the boundary to relevant parties.
- Set Consequences: Determine your response if the boundary is not respected.
Recognizing and Addressing Burnout
Burnout is a common issue among graduate students. Reilly outlines signs of burnout, including physical symptoms like high blood pressure and headaches and mental indicators like difficulty concentrating and low mood. Addressing burnout early is critical to maintaining balance and well-being.
Embracing Emotional Wellness
Reilly emphasizes that emotional reactions should be acknowledged as part of building balance. Allowing oneself to feel emotions promotes self-compassion, which is crucial for graduate students facing high demands. Grounding techniques, such as the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 method, can help reconnect with the present moment and reduce overwhelm.
Organizational Tips for Balance
Practical organizational strategies are vital for balancing roles and responsibilities. Reilly advises creating schedules that include self-care and relaxation time, blocking out periods for social connections, and engaging in new activities. These strategies can aid in achieving a harmonious balance.
A Comprehensive Approach to Balance
Reilly Chabie’s insights offer a comprehensive approach to achieving balance in graduate school. From utilizing transition times and seeking support to mastering time management and setting boundaries, her advice provides invaluable tools for students. Practicing self-compassion and recognizing personal limits are key to thriving in this demanding environment.
For more resources, students are encouraged to explore campus services like CAPS, Recreational Services, and the Student Success Center.
TRANSCRIPT
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:01]:
Welcome to the victors in grad school, where we have conversations with students, alumni, and experts about what it takes to find success in graduate school.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:11]:
Good afternoon, everyone. Thank you so much for being here. My name is Dr. Christopher Lewis. I’m the director of graduate programs. I really appreciate you being here today and for taking this next step in your own journey here at in graduate school to prepare yourself for what comes ahead and what you’re dealing with right now. And and today, we’ve got a great guest. Reilly Chabie is with us today, and Riley is, in our CAPS office. And I I know she’ll be introducing herself and what CAPS does, but, but today, I asked her to come in and to talk about finding support in setting boundaries, finding that balance for yourself.
Reilly Chabie [00:00:51]:
It’s one of the topics that I always hear graduate students challenged by, whether they just started or whether they’re in the middle of their program. So it’s important to be able to go through and understand and have some resources at your fingertips to help you in this process, and Riley’s here to do just that. I’m gonna turn it over to Riley for her to be able to talk to you and share all of her wisdom, and really excited to have you all here today.
Reilly Chabie [00:01:16]:
Thank you so much, doctor Lewis. I really appreciate it. Welcome, everybody. I’m grateful that you’re interested in learning about this topic a little bit more, and hopefully some of the information we talk about today will support you in your journey as a grad student. But honestly, a lot of these skills are going to be helpful for all of life. There’s not necessarily a specific timeframe or experience where this applies the most, but it’s helpful to get these skills now so that they translate and continue to move with you moving forward. So like I said, hopefully you learn a little bit today.
Reilly Chabie [00:01:51]:
As Dr. Lewis mentioned, we’re going to be talking a little bit about finding balance between the things that you’re kind of expected to be doing as a graduate student, but also just knowing that you have personal endeavors and things going on in your life that also require quite a bit of your attention. So we’ll kind of start off with just some what to expect experiences here, and then we’ll kind of navigate into the specifics. But first and foremost, we’re going to talk about what are called the 8 dimensions of wellness. And I think this is pretty crucial in any sort of balance forming as these areas are what we ultimately are making choices on every single day. We’re determining whether or not we’re prioritizing these certain dimensions in the hopes that we’re creating a good enough balance where we feel kind of equal and stable and ready to take on the day. So we’ll be talking about how those fit into this process today. We’ll talk more specifically about what balance is and even more importantly, how we might be able to identify feelings of being unbalanced or the lack of balance. We’ll also kind of think about some tips and tricks on how to navigate that, as well as maintaining balance once we’ve found what feels comfortable.
Reilly Chabie [00:03:02]:
We’ll talk a little bit more in-depth about boundaries. What do those look like? How do you set them? Maybe some examples of what those can look like. Then, of course, we’ll round out with just some last thoughts, as well as some resources on campus that you’ll be able to utilize. All right. So the 8 dimensions of wellness. I’m not sure who has heard about the dimensions of wellness, but something that student health and wellness here on campus really tries to focus on are these 8 dimensions. There’s a variety and I’m sure you’ve heard of some of them, like maybe emotional wellness or social wellness, maybe physical wellness. All of these dimensions ultimately help us feel connected to the whole person.
Reilly Chabie [00:03:45]:
So each of these slices of this wheel relate to us as a whole person. And, arguably, when one of them isn’t working out very well, when we’re maybe struggling in that area or we’re not giving enough focus to that area, we tend to feel like that area is faltering and thus, a lot of our stress and difficulties start to increase. So I think it’s really crucial that if we’re thinking about balance, it makes sense to kinda give some tangible names to how like, what what balance even looks like and what areas we’re trying to focus on. These 8 dimensions also kind of help us feel fulfilled and, like, we’re achieving the potential that we want to be able to set for ourselves. So even just adding this into our regular vocabulary can be very supportive in not only identifying what balance looks like, but also just kind of feeling connected to oneself. And I also think it’s kind of helpful to to think about this in the context of if we know these 8 dimensions, we are then able to identify what areas need work or attention. So for example, if I’m not doing so well in terms of my social experiences, That’s probably a good indicator that maybe working on building ways to support my social wellness would be crucial in creating some balance. Maybe feeling more engaged on campus or connecting better or more deeply with my friends and family, etcetera.
Reilly Chabie [00:05:15]:
So I might notice that one of these areas or multiple at one time are impacted. Therefore, I have at least some area to start, which honestly can be the most difficult part about finding balances, identifying even where to start. We’ll talk a little bit more about how you can identify problem areas. But part of what we will navigate is how our values impact our dimensions of wellness. Once we’ve identified that connective tissue there, that helps us find gaps in relation to those values and how we can adjust accordingly in order to support our areas of wellness. I like to use this as our background or you could say the theme of what to consider as we go through the rest of the presentation. That wellness and especially these dimensions are going to be a core piece of identifying support, finding that balance, and ultimately feeling a little more whole as a person. Alright.
Reilly Chabie [00:06:22]:
Balance. Honestly, balance can seem a little bit like a buzzword in some respects. Right? That, you know, we’ve we hear in a lot of variety and in a lot of different contexts that were meant to hold some sort of balance between maybe social and personal life as well as work life as well as school life. And that can get really complicated really fast. So some things that maybe can be helpful in considering what balance is and how we identify how it plays out is by looking at the types of responsibilities and roles we hold in everyday life. When I’m talking about roles, I’m specifically talking about the things that we’re typically doing. For example, some of the roles you might hold include being a student, being a friend, being a significant other. You could consider being an employee or maybe even more specifically identifying what your job title is.
Reilly Chabie [00:07:24]:
That is still considered a role. So we hold a wide variety of roles at any given point. And, therefore, we’re gonna notice some balance challenges popping up because of all of those responsibilities that we’re trying to juggle at any given point. And because we have all of those roles and responsibilities, there’s this expectation we place on ourselves to try to figure everything out all the time. And when we’re struggling to build that balance or kind of create that feeling of, Oh, I’m actually paying attention to all of these areas in my life, it really starts to add on this feeling of stress and anxiety. And honestly, sometimes just this feeling of, I’m not even sure what I’m trying to do here when we’re not able to balance all of these different roles and responsibilities. So, something we kind of want to consider is 1, what are those roles? You know, being able to to put labels to those roles, but even more so, can we identify the amount of energy and focus that we need or want to devote to those roles? Right? So, for example, it will be likely that as a graduate student, you’re going to put a lot of energy and focus into your role as a student. So that includes making sure you’re writing your papers, getting your assignments done, maybe engaging in things on campus related related to your degree or just to build social connection.
Reilly Chabie [00:08:53]:
But there’s a lot that plays into that. So if we’re identifying that as a higher priority or kind of a higher value for us, we’re probably going to devote a lot of time and energy to it. But depending on if we’re creating balance, if we’re adding too much energy and too much, you know, time to one area, it can kind of get a little exhausting and the scales might tip a little bit. And we feel like we’re doing too much of one thing at one time. So it’s important to kind of think about, all right, you know, how much energy do I want to devote to this area? How am I going to prioritize this in my day to day life? And if we’re noticing there’s some discrepancies in terms of, oh, I’m, you know, I’m putting a lot of energy and effort in, you know, this one area or this one role, but it’s really not that important to me or it’s taking a lot away from other priorities that I have. That’s a great indicator that our balance is not as even as we would like it to be. Thus, giving us an end to identify a space to work on. We might also know outside of these roles that our balance is a little off kilter if there are too many demands.
Reilly Chabie [00:10:07]:
Right. So if we’re thinking about as a graduate student, there’s a lot of assignments and a lot of things going on. It might be a bit stressful and feel like there’s too much going on in order to devote the time we need to in all areas. So we might need to kind of navigate what comes first and how much energy we wanna put into that. So if there are too many demands that can impact our balance, our expectations in terms of perfection or what we’re striving toward, that can definitely impact balance because one, nothing is perfect. We can’t accomplish perfect because it doesn’t exist. Therefore, if we’re striving towards that, we’re we’re not going to feel that sense of stability in the same way that if we set a reasonable or manageable goal. So I think that can be a helpful thing to consider.
Reilly Chabie [00:10:57]:
In a similar vein, if we set unrealistic expectations for ourselves, that one kind of sets us up for potential misbalance, but also that impacts just our areas of wellness. We don’t accomplish what we set out, especially if we’re starting with something unrealistic or unachievable in in that moment, giving those circumstances. We’re kind of giving ourselves that opportunity to feel disappointed, to feel disconnected, to feel hurt by our process and thus slowly building up some of these negative experiences. So. Keeping in mind these roles, as well as the energy we’re adding to that. And some of these additional concerns that struggle with balance. This might be a really great way for us to identify those areas, and then kind of work on the specifics on how to navigate that. So just kind of keeping those things in mind, both the dimensions of wellness and balance.
Reilly Chabie [00:11:52]:
We’re going to kind of think about how else can I notice when my balance is not as equal as I would like it to be? And a big consideration in terms of balance is burnout. So burnout comes up a lot in college, in grad school, and arguably in any form of system where we’re working on a lot of different things or playing a lot of different roles. And burnout is somewhat synonymous with lack of balance. You know, typically, when we think of burnout, we’re saying, wow, you know, I am spending so much time in this one area, and I feel really exhausted by it. That’s a good indication that we’re not only we’re experiencing burnout, but that our balance is being affected. So some signs or some indicators as to if we’re experiencing burnout can include a variety. But I like to point these two sections out because burnout isn’t always physical and it isn’t always mental or emotional, and it can be a common a combination of both. So if there were some things you might notice in terms of burnout would be high blood pressure, reoccurring headaches, sleep concerns, stomachaches, or when we have high stress, our immune system is affected.
Reilly Chabie [00:13:14]:
Therefore, getting sick more frequently can happen. For the mental and emotional signs, we may notice concentration difficulties, we might notice low mood, maybe a loss of interest in our favorite things, feeling like we’re falling behind in certain tasks or expectations, or maybe even feeling stuck. Feeling like we don’t necessarily know how to engage or how to move forward. Obviously, this is not an exhaustive list. There are so many other variations to burn out and how we experience that. These are just some of the common ones. And, you know, for example, I know when I’m feeling rundown, I sometimes isolate. Maybe I disconnect from my peers, even though theoretically, I might feel very comforted by them.
Reilly Chabie [00:14:01]:
I think mentally, emotionally, and sometimes physically, I don’t necessarily have that energy to devote to those social connections. Therefore, my balance is off kilter. So just kinda keeping in mind that while these are very common, they may not pertain to you, but these are some indicators as to when we’re experiencing burnout. I also think too that if we’re noticing that there’s multiple of these experiences happening at once, that’s a sign of more intense or more severe burnout. You know, naturally speaking, we might struggle with some of these concerns popping up here and there. But it’s when those concerns start to become unmanageable or they’re more frequent or more consistent, that’s kind of when we need to be alerted to, oh, okay. Something’s kind of going on here and maybe this is my time to tackle it. So, you know, we’ve talked a lot about ways we can identify when our balance is being impacted.
Reilly Chabie [00:14:59]:
We’ve talked about some symptoms specifically that might come up when we’re experiencing lack of balance. We’ve also considered a little bit of roles and how those play into it and the energy we devote to them. So shifting a little bit, how do we take all of that knowledge and how do we change things if we feel like we need to recreate that balance or build better balance? And I think it’s helpful to kind of think about a few different things specifically. So, first of all, balance is something that takes time and requires a little bit of a step by step process. Of course, with the understanding of the different roles and expectations that we have, it’s not gonna be an easy thing to change overnight to completely adjust how much energy we devote in a certain place or in a certain area. So keeping in mind right from the get go that it’s that it’s a step by step process and that you will take your time doing it can be helpful in the pressure that we might feel in trying to create that balance. But that balance is also a continuum. I’m even thinking like balance as in 1, I’m feeling totally, completely disconnected.
Reilly Chabie [00:16:16]:
You know, I’m, I’m really struggling with that balance to 10 being I’m perfectly balanced to, to the best of my ability, given the roles, given the expectations that I have. And, of course, typically, we don’t wanna be on the extreme ends because sometimes those can come with complications of their own. But if we can kind of shift into, you know, a medium level of balance or kind of be able to create that safe space for us, depending on where we’re at, that’s ideally the part of the continuum we want to be on. So kind of keeping that in mind that my balance is going to look a lot different than your balance and vice versa. And just in addition to that, you know what your balance can look like. And you’re also very much going to know when you feel the lack of balance. So comparison between each person’s balance is not going to be helpful in this situation, just because we don’t know what types of roles other people are trying to handle. And not to mention that each person comes with their own set of rules and values and things that play into what that balance looks like.
Reilly Chabie [00:17:20]:
So I think it’s helpful to kind of put those things into context. And if we’re able to achieve that balance that we’re looking for, there’s, of course, a lot of important benefits that come from that. We’re going to notice our mood changing. Right? If we feel balanced, then we’re gonna feel more likely connected to people in our life. The things that we’re doing, we may find more enjoyment in certain things going on. So we really wanna rely on knowing that the work we put in to build balance will provide great outcomes and ultimately lead to feeling more productive, feeling more connected to those that we want to be connected to. And we’re, we’re going to feel just that overall sense of peace that we probably desire in the chaos that is graduate school. So I think that’s kind of helpful to put into perspective.
Reilly Chabie [00:18:13]:
One that it takes time and that we’re kind of putting in the effort now, but those outcomes are going to support us in maintaining that balance as we continue to grow. Some other additional tips or things that we kind of want to consider when we’re trying to develop balance. And I think some of these things often get missed in the the process here. So I I feel like it’s very helpful to point out. So first and foremost, we want to think about practicing what is called self compassion and acceptance. And I wanna read a quick definition of what self compassion is. This definition was written by Kristin Neff. She plays a very large role in the movement of self compassion, and I think it puts it into good perspective.
Reilly Chabie [00:18:56]:
So self compassion is the practice of being kind and understanding towards oneself when experiencing failure, inadequacy, or suffering. And I think that’s particularly important in what we’re talking about today. Because one, we’re grad students. There are so many things going on all the time and so many things we’re trying to keep organized and connected with that. We’re not always going to line up perfectly. The outcome isn’t always going to be the exact way we want it to be. We might experience failure. We might experience suffering in trying to create this balance.
Reilly Chabie [00:19:37]:
And that’s okay. It’s not fun by any means, but it’s okay that we can recognize, wow, you know, I’m human. This is a difficult practice, and we’re allowed to feel that difficulty while also acknowledging, hey, you know, this is hard and I might not come out on the other end in the way that I expected, but I’m learning from it and I’m growing from it. So if we can practice that ability to accept the challenges that we face and the difficulties that come up and provide a little bit of that grace and compassion, it once again eases that pressure of trying to figure out how to navigate this, but also just gives us that sense of, okay, I’m a work in progress. I’m learning, I’m growing. And if I can say that at the end of the day, then I’m in a good spot regardless of the outcomes of certain things that are coming up. Similarly, when we’re challenged with the process of building balance, we will likely have a lot of emotional reaction to that. We may struggle with difficult and uncomfortable emotions.
Reilly Chabie [00:20:43]:
We might be angry. We might be sad. We might be upset. We might be a variety of adjectives there. And we want to acknowledge that these emotions are tough, and we need to give ourselves the permission to feel those things when they come up. Because that’s part of the emotional wellness. Right? You know, going back to that first slide of the different dimensions of wellness. Emotional wellness plays a key role in this.
Reilly Chabie [00:21:09]:
That if we are actively encouraging ourselves to feel what we need to feel and navigate based off of that, we’re opening the door to self compassion. We’re opening the door to creating better balance. We don’t want to hold all of those things and feel like we just got to keep that all in until it starts to impact us more heavily and pulls away that energy and focus from the other areas of wellness or even the roles that we’re trying to encourage ourselves to engage in. So I think that’s a really important piece here that not only are we, you know, being compassionate towards ourselves, but we’re allowing ourselves the space to feel what we need to feel. This process, because we may experience these difficult emotions, because we may be challenged with the ups and downs of building balance, I think it’s helpful to also consider some tangible tips and techniques that might be helpful in processingsome of those emotions, but also the challenges that come up. So first and foremost, I want to note that a big part of balance comes the ability to engage in distress tolerance. So distress tolerance is enduring and accepting discomfort in plain terms. And we can acknowledge that life is difficult and it will definitely bring on discomfort, but we, as an individual, have the ability to navigate that discomfort. And part of that is by utilizing distress tolerance and a couple of skills that I like to mention that help with distress tolerance or kind of navigating that discomfort include one, which is a grounding technique. And the other one is specifically related to distress tolerance and it’s called radical acceptance. So we’ll start with the grounding techniques first. 1st and foremost grounding techniques are an excellent way to build up a sense of self and kind of reconnect ourselves to the present moment.
Reilly Chabie [00:23:05]:
A lot of the time when we’re feeling unbalanced, we may feel overwhelmed, we may feel disconnected from our own problem solving skills, and we wanna gain a little bit of clarity in trying to problem solve and trying to engage back into balance. So part of that requires a bit of grounding. And one of my favorite methods is the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 method. It’s in relation to our 5 senses, where we take, for example, 5 things we can see, 4 things we can touch, 3 things we can smell, 2 things we can hear, and one thing we can taste. So you can organize that however you would like to, but the goal of this method is to be able to bring ourselves back into the awareness of our present moment without feeling like we’re overwhelmed by our thoughts. For example, if I’m, you know, looking at my computer screen right now, something I might do would say do in this process would be, I noticed in front of me my notes that I’m reading off of right now. And the text is white and bold. So in that process, I’m identifying some details and specifics about what I see, And that’s bringing my awareness back to the present moment, which then allows for that space of clarity and that ability to problem solve, to kind of clearly think about what I’m doing and move forward in terms of that distressing experience.
Reilly Chabie [00:24:35]:
So that’s a tangible technique that I like to use. Definitely one of my favorites and there’s a variety of grounding techniques, but I like to recommend that one. The other one that I want to mention is radical acceptance. So a little bit earlier, I was talking about self compassion and acceptance about how we need to acknowledge that there are difficulties in life and there are things that we’re going to continue to struggle with. And radical acceptance is similar to that. And I’ll read once again, a definition that can be helpful in explaining what radical acceptances. So radical acceptance involves fully acknowledging and embracing the present moment, including its difficulties and discomforts without trying to change or control it. So while we are trying to navigate that ability of building balance, we have to recognize that there absolutely will be things in play that we cannot control.
Reilly Chabie [00:25:29]:
Certain things like, for example, we can’t necessarily control a snow day. We can’t necessarily control when a particular assignment is due. You know, there are certain things that are outside of that framework of what we’re trying to challenge, and we have to build some acceptance around that so that we reduce the pressure and anxiety that comes from trying to figure out how to navigate that. But if we can focus on the things within our control, we’re creating more balance and support of our own individual experience, as opposed to trying to put energy and effort into places that truly will not provide the outcome that we need. So I like to mention radical acceptance as part of this process because there will be challenges that we can’t successfully navigate because we do not have that control. But what we can shift our focus to are the things that are within our control, including these types of tips and techniques, as well as the considerations we’ve already gone over. So it’s helpful to kind of make that distinction and utilize that as a way to navigate. So few tips, a few ideas, of course, once again, not exhaustive, but these are definitely some main ones that can be helpful in your journey as we try to develop balance.
Reilly Chabie [00:26:47]:
I also like to take into consideration that balance can come from maybe a more organizational or time management perspective that maybe, you know, we’re all good with self compassion. We’re good with acceptance. We’re good with that distress tolerance piece, but we’re, like, you know, I could really use some tips on on how to better manage the assignments that I have or the other responsibilities I’m holding in these different roles that I experienced. You know, how do I balance doing work tasks versus school tasks? Or how do I balance celebrating certain things with my friends versus spending a weekend working on homework? So here are some, I guess I like to consider them some tips or some techniques to kind of support that organizational piece of things in order to create balance. So first and foremost, I think it’s helpful to consider creating a schedule that includes self care, you know, breaks and other relaxation techniques. So self care is really important when we’re feeling overwhelmed, cause we’re feeling disconnected from the things that make us feel happy or things that make us feel at peace or, or bring that comfort. So when we have a bunch of scheduled classes and homework assignments and work schedules, it also makes sense to schedule in those times for self care, especially if we like to follow schedules and routines. So I think it can be helpful to put that into perspective that any time we have a break, any time we have a moment, we can add in spaces of self care.
Reilly Chabie [00:28:17]:
We can add in those relaxation techniques, use a grounding skill, whatever it might be. It doesn’t have to be, you know, I’m taking an entire day just to focus on this area, but we can break it up into those very specific blocks. Additionally, we can block out time for things that we value. So if we know we’re really busy, but we’re feeling that lack of social connection or that lack of occupational wellness, things like that. We wanna block out times for those things we wanna build up in our values, whether that’s family, friends, maybe it’s a new activity you wanna try. We want to have that ability to say, I need this. Therefore, I’m creating the space for it. That is well within our control, and we want to be able to kind of take that and engage with that.
Reilly Chabie [00:29:08]:
We also might consider using transition times between classes or other activities for a reset on our emotional or mental experience. So, you know, if we have 4 classes in a row and we have 15 minutes in between to navigate, that’s not a whole lot of time to do some of these other techniques. But what it is time to do is, you know, a chance for you to build in a space of relaxation or build in okay. You know, I’m gonna use this 15 minutes even though I could study for the quiz that I have this next time around. I really need to eat, or I really need to take a breather and maybe close my eyes. Or maybe I want to read my book so that I can shift between the class I just had in this next class. So I have a bit of that break. Transition times can be an excellent space to put things into, especially if we’re feeling overwhelmed with a busy schedule.
Reilly Chabie [00:30:05]:
We also want to consider shifting and shuffling our priorities when needed. You know, sometimes priorities change. You know, what you might prioritize today might be different than tomorrow. Even though there’s still important values, it’s difficult to be very strict on where those priorities lie if other things start popping up. So being able to have a little bit of that adaptability and maybe a little bit of that radical acceptance that priorities might shift can be helpful. We definitely wanna work together with loved ones, peers, colleagues, or find additional support and accountability, which I will talk about later. These people are there for your support and not everything has to be done on your own. It can be kinda scary to ask for help or difficult to ask for help if we don’t really know what we’re asking for.
Reilly Chabie [00:30:56]:
But just being able to talk about this difficulty with balance or the difficulties that we’re facing in the roles that we play can be just a helpful reprieve from all of the bottled up experience we might have. And then lastly, some time management skills, identifying what works for you. For example, for me, I really love having a planner. If I can open up a booklet that has a month view in front of me and I can notice where all of my very big events such as my presentation today or, you know, certain things that I have to do around campus, I feel prepared and ready to go for that. Other people might say, nope. That’s not it for me. That’s okay. Maybe you prefer task lists.
Reilly Chabie [00:31:36]:
Maybe you prefer sticky notes. Maybe you prefer your notes app on your phone. Maybe you like, physical calendars, or maybe you like Google Calendar. All of those things can be really helpful in just your organizational and time management, and that can create balance so that we’re advocating the time we need and the energy we need for the things that we wanna be able to accomplish. So playing around with some of those things can be helpful too because one thing might work for 1, you know, one area and another thing might work for another area. So just being mindful and cognizant of that can be helpful. So we talked a lot about different tips, maybe more of those inner experiences such as self compassion and acceptance, as well as some of these time management and organizational skills. And I understand that not all of these are going to work perfectly, not all of them are going to apply to your experience, but a combination of a few of these can give us that chance to start creating balance and view these things differently, which then opens us up to feeling more supported to feeling that sense of equilibrium and and kind of feeling a little more, together than maybe if we’re not navigating them in this way.
Reilly Chabie [00:32:49]:
So I like to mention that as well. Okay. So part of this presentation also focuses on setting boundaries and how these can be incorporated in your process. So going back to one of the previous slides when we’re talking about roles and responsibilities, we understand that there are plenty of tasks and expectations and things that we need to consider, but we also need to be able to know, hey. I may not be able to navigate this particular task or responsibility right now because another role or another area of my wellness needs more of my time and focus. So we need to be able to kind of come together internally and ask ourselves, what are the boundaries that I need to set in order to support myself in that process of finding balance and making sure I’m building in some preventative measures so that I don’t get to a point of unmanageable discomfort or unmanageable lack of balance. And one of those ways is by setting boundaries. I know perhaps the concept of boundaries seems a little bit like a buzzword that it pops up in a variety of contexts, but these are very helpful in the sense that we’re, we’re setting boundaries because we want to build our own confidence and our abilities of knowing what our limits are, what we feel comfortable with.
Reilly Chabie [00:34:14]:
And we’re also able to kind of maintain our own identity in a given situation. We don’t feel like we’re shifting outside of what our roles and responsibilities are simply because we don’t have a boundary in place. So setting boundaries very important. And I like to use this diagram as well that there’s 7 types of boundaries. Obviously, these boundaries may come up frequently for you. They may not happen as often, and it also depends on the types of relationships and experiences you have. But I think it’s helpful to know that there’s a variety of them, and we can set however many or what types we need in any given situation. So some common ones might be some of those physical boundaries that focus on privacy and space, maybe emotional boundaries, like how emotionally available are you to other people.
Reilly Chabie [00:35:06]:
We may also consider time boundaries. You know, how long do you want to spend on something? How long are you hoping other people spend with you? Those types of things. There’s also what I think can be an interesting one are the internal boundaries. So how are we making sure we’re checking in with ourselves? Are we staying regulated? Where is our energy going? And are we setting those internal boundaries for, excuse me, for ourself? So keeping some of these boundaries in mind, I’ll talk a little bit more about how to set boundaries, some considerations, and that will bring us into the home stretch. I think personally that there are some very key things in setting boundaries. And part of that, as I alluded to, is about knowing your own limits. You know you best. And because of that, it’s it’s going to be important to determine what types of things you’re willing or not willing to do in a given circumstance based off of where that threshold is.
Reilly Chabie [00:36:15]:
And sometimes it can be a little complicated to figure out what those limits are and something that I like to consider or what I do when I’m trying to set a boundary and I’m trying to figure out what those limits look like are just based off of simple check ins. So I might ask questions individually to myself. Things like, am I getting enough rest? Maybe that’s in relation to an internal boundary. Am I doing too much right now? That might be in relation to a an an emotional boundary that might be in relation to a time boundary, etcetera. Or is this nourishing me right now? This situation that I’m in, am I feeling nourished by it? Am I getting something important out of it? If not, that might be a place to set a boundary. So asking those questions kind of help you develop where your limits are at, And ultimately, then you can set boundaries in hopes of not reaching those limits or being able to avoid going over the limits. I also think it’s important to consider that a big part of boundaries kind of feels like, oh, my boundary is about saying no. And yes, that is truthful.
Reilly Chabie [00:37:27]:
If you know your limits, you might need to say no to things, depending on what your roles and responsibilities are in grad school or in other areas of your life. But a big missed part here is the ability and the feeling of, of being able to say yes. Sometimes it’s just as crucial to say yes to help, to support, to looking for that extra added important skill, whatever it might be, just as much as it is saying no. That saying yes can also be a boundary that you may have set internally for yourself in order to support. Hey. I’m not really sure what I need to do here, but I’m definitely going to ask, and that’s something I wanna hold myself to. And then lastly, we wanna consider priorities. You know, once again, these priorities are based off of your values.
Reilly Chabie [00:38:19]:
So if you really value your connection to other people, you are going to notice that maybe setting boundaries in your social life is gonna be more frequent. If you really value your time, you know time is precious in a lot of ways when we have a lot going on. So maybe you’re going to be setting more boundaries in relation to those those areas. So identifying what priorities you have and making sure that you’re setting boundaries to supplement or support that experience of that priority, that’s really crucial. So those three things are really helpful in determining when and where you want to set a boundary. And then that begs the question of how do I set it? I think this is probably the best way for me to lay it out is in this 3 step process, for lack of better term. In step 1, we’re defining what that boundary is, and I will show you here shortly a few of the examples of what these boundaries might look like. But based off of our limits, based off of our priorities, based off of if we need to say yes or no to something, we’re defining this is a clear place where I want to place this boundary.
Reilly Chabie [00:39:28]:
This is what this boundary is going to look like. Step 2, once we’ve identified what that boundary is, you know, what we’re trying to reduce or add or accomplish, we’re gonna wanna communicate it. This, I think, sometimes can be really difficult because we’re faced with communicating it to another person, to a department, to for example, we might be doing this in terms of our own teaching. Maybe we’re doing it in a presentation or whatever it might be and communicating it can feel complicated because we don’t necessarily know what the response of the other party is going to be. But as long as we’re communicating it clearly, giving them that defined boundary, that’s what we’re aiming for. We want to be sure that what we’re setting this boundary on is important to us, and that’s why we’re identifying those limits and priorities. And if we’re communicating it clearly, that’s what matters. And step 3 of setting boundaries includes the the consequences.
Reilly Chabie [00:40:30]:
So setting those consequences. And I’m not talking about ultimatums. Right? I’m not saying, you know, here’s my boundary. If you don’t abide, here’s what’s going to happen. But more so, if my boundary is not respected, what am I going to do about that? How am I going to navigate that? And make that clear to the person or the 3rd party or whomever you’re communicating this to, that that is what the consequence is going to look like. So once again, we’re defining that boundary, identifying what area or what concern we’re setting that boundary on. We’re communicating it clearly noting the specifics of what you’re communicating. And step 3 is that, that consequence.
Reilly Chabie [00:41:09]:
What am I going to do if my boundary is not being respected? Am I going to remind them about it? Am I going to explain that I’m not going to stay in a situation like this if this continues to happen. You know, there there are varieties, and I’ll show you here in just a second. But those those are kind of the steps that I would take to set boundaries. Here are a few examples. I want to preface before I read some of these that you know how you like to talk and the the word choices that you want to make. And what I have written here may not be the way you wanna communicate something. So feel free to find the wording that you want to use because it’s not going to work for everybody the way that I have written here. But these are just some things that maybe we want to consider and kind of keep in the back of our head.
Reilly Chabie [00:42:01]:
So a couple of examples include, I am going to be honest and vulnerable with myself. That sounds very similar to an internal boundary. Something, you know, maybe we know we’re not engaging in that emotional vulnerability as much as we would like to. So we’re going to start by being honest and vulnerable with myself. I am going to keep a gratitude journal. Sometimes we get stuck in the negativity and the difficulties of life and in an effort to create balance and be preventative, we are going to engage in a, in a gratitude journal. Those can be really helpful. Once again, that could be internal, but we can also add that into maybe social aspects or other types of boundaries.
Reilly Chabie [00:42:42]:
I am not going to expect that others can read my mind. Other ones include as a friend, you shouldn’t gossip about me, or I will not offer more help than I can give, or I am uncomfortable in this situation. So I’m going to leave or I’m going to walk away. Some of these boundaries include, you know, physical safety. Maybe it includes some hey, you know, I’m gonna communicate what I need, and that’s a boundary that I’m willing to set for myself. So these are just a few examples, and there’s a wide variety of ways we can tackle that. But all of these are based on that ability to see what priorities I have for myself, what my limits look like, and ways that I can be preventative in my balance building. So, ultimately, when we take all of those things into consideration, which is a lot, we want to remind ourselves that this is something that doesn’t happen overnight.
Reilly Chabie [00:43:48]:
I mentioned earlier that it is a step by step process. There’s a lot that goes into it. But as long as we’re taking small chunks each and every day to try to navigate our areas of wellness, to try to identify skills that can be helpful for us, to time management a little bit actually, it would be time managed. But to manage our time a little bit better or to support ourselves in that process, that’s what we’re looking for. So this would be an excellent time to utilize self compassion, to recognize that we might make mistakes, and that’s okay. Because the more we practice, the more it’s gonna become a habit. And we all know that humans love habits. We engage in what feels comfortable.
Reilly Chabie [00:44:31]:
So as soon as we start practicing this, it’s gonna become more comfortable, and we’re gonna feel more likely to rely on our ability to build balance because we’ve put in that work and practice. So building that acceptance, that self compassion, and it’s not an easy process, but it’s definitely doable as long as we keep practicing. And as we kind of wrap up today’s conversation and before I hopefully open it up to a few questions, I just wanna mention some resources that we have on campus that I want everybody to have access to. So first and foremost, counseling and psychological services where I’m coming from. We are located in the university center on the 2nd floor room 264. You can come, you know, chat with us, engage with us, etcetera. But we are very focused on helping you navigate the challenges that might come up in terms of setting boundaries or, you know, building balance that we have that ability to process and work through that with you. So I want you to know that we are available.
Reilly Chabie [00:45:32]:
Couple other things that can be helpful, you know, especially if we’re going back to some of those tips about setting up self care or building and relaxation caps has access to our massage chair, which mind you very awesome. We love using it. So please feel free to stop by and schedule an appointment to use our massage chair. We also have our biofeedback software system, which helps promote relaxation and reduction of anxiety through mindfulness practices. And we definitely love utilizing that. So you can always come and use our materials. Once again, we have our information, here. So our phone number, you can stop by the office or you can request an appointment online if you’d like to start seeing one of our counselors.
Reilly Chabie [00:46:16]:
And then, of course, you can view all of our other information and other resources through the CAPS website. And then lastly, just some other areas on campus that might be helpful. So recreational services, they are awesome. They are very supportive in the process of wellness. They have a lot of great classes and certain things that are going on all the time. We have the student success center, which not only helps with maybe some of those academic challenges, but also just that ability to navigate your career or other things that are up and coming. There’s also within the student success center, we have tutoring or supplemental instruction, depending on the types of courses you’re taking. And we also have the Thompson library, which is just a great resource for additional materials.
Reilly Chabie [00:46:59]:
We also have, they, they actually put on a lot of events throughout the year as well, and they can be a helpful space to collaborate, to connect and to kind of build some of these supports in play. So I appreciate your time. And I know that’s a lot to think about, but overall there’s a lot of supports here on campus for you. And there are ways to navigate balance. And as long as you’re kind of looking at some of those areas of wellness, you’ll definitely be able to create balance.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:47:28]:
The University of Michigan Flint has a full array of master’s and doctorate programs if you are interested continuing your education. Whether you’re looking for in person or online learning options, the University of Michigan Flint has programs that will meet your needs. For more information on any of our graduate programs, visit umflint.edu/graduateprograms to find out more. Thanks again for spending time with me as you prepare to be a victor in grad school. I look forward to speaking with you again soon as we embark together on your graduate school journey. If you have any questions or want to reach out, email me at [email protected].
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