<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
As I sit here marveling at my latest compositional masterpiece, I find myself filled with self-doubt.\u00a0 Does the essay fulfill the requirements of the task assigned to me?\u00a0 If it does not, I humbly apologize.<\/p>\n
Speaking of apologies, this apology reminds me of several other actions in my life for which I probably should apologize.<\/p>\n
Once, at the age of four I ripped the \u2018Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law\u2019 label from my grandmother\u2019s pillow while I was supposed to be taking a nap.\u00a0 When I realized what I had done I quietly crawled out the open window and secretly disposed of the pillow in the Great North Woods.\u00a0 For that, I humbly apologize.<\/p>\n
My brother and two younger cousins once placed a penny on the railroad tracks that run parallel to M-28 in the U.P. to see what it would look like after the train ran over the coin.\u00a0 They stared at the flattened penny in wide-eyed amazement until I (and my ego) did the same thing with a nickel, thus one-upping (or four-upping if you have an accountant\u2019s mind<\/em>) them and stealing a part of their childhood innocence.\u00a0 For that, I humbly apologize.<\/p>\n At the age of nine, while trying to mow the lawn, I found the lawnmower wouldn\u2019t start.\u00a0 I convinced my little brother to hold onto the spark plug wire while I pulled on the starter rope so we could see if electricity was reaching the spark plug.\u00a0 Apparently the mower was out of gas.\u00a0 For that, I humbly apologize.<\/p>\n When I was twelve my 16 year-old cousin had a job and used to buy ice cream that he kept buried in the snow where his younger siblings could not find and eat it.\u00a0 I dug it up one day even though I didn\u2019t eat ice cream.\u00a0 I did, however, enjoy feeding it to the neighborhood dogs.\u00a0 For that, I humbly apologize.<\/p>\n In high school I once went on a date with fashionista.\u00a0 I wore white pants in January.\u00a0 For that, I humbly apologize.<\/p>\n I once won a radio call-in contest even though my uncle was an employee of the station.\u00a0 For that, I humbly apologize.<\/p>\n When I was 19 and playing on a travelling hockey team, during a meal at a tournament in St. Louis I convinced one teammate that lamb fries were French fries cooked in lamb fat. He \u2018enjoyed\u2019 12 of them.\u00a0 For that, I humbly apologize.<\/p>\n At the age of 25 I once took a \u2018green\u2019 crew chief on a vertical ascent at 80% throttle and then, at an altitude of 8,000 feet cut all power to the main rotor for a 10 second freefall so he could \u2018experience weightlessness\u2019.\u00a0 For that, I humbly apologize to the maintenance man that had to hose out the bird.<\/p>\n At 30 I went to dinner with a \u2018lady friend\u2019 in Pensacola, Florida.\u00a0 She convinced me to eat clams (which I\u2019d never had before).\u00a0 I would now like humbly apologize for saying they tasted like \u201c a gonad dipped in motor oil\u201d.<\/p>\n Skip to the present.\u00a0 A dear friend asked me to write something funny.\u00a0 If I didn’t, I humbly apologize.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" As I sit here marveling at my latest compositional masterpiece, I find myself filled with self-doubt.\u00a0 Does the essay fulfill the requirements of the task assigned to me?\u00a0 If it does not, I humbly apologize. Speaking of apologies, this apology reminds me of several other actions in my life for which I probably […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":54,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[4],"class_list":["post-390","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-quick-tips"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.umflint.edu\/writingcenter\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/390","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.umflint.edu\/writingcenter\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.umflint.edu\/writingcenter\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.umflint.edu\/writingcenter\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/54"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.umflint.edu\/writingcenter\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=390"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.umflint.edu\/writingcenter\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/390\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":393,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.umflint.edu\/writingcenter\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/390\/revisions\/393"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.umflint.edu\/writingcenter\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=390"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.umflint.edu\/writingcenter\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=390"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.umflint.edu\/writingcenter\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=390"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}